woman looking away with a colourful background

Rebuild your cocky-esteem and take things slowly (Pic: Getty)

Narcissists see the world through a self-obsessed lens, always wanting to be the heart of attention and manipulating others to become their manner.

Put simply, they are the verbal opposite of what a loving and caring partner looks like.

Narcissists ofttimes excel in shattering a person's confidence and cocky-esteem, and making their victim feel at fault and responsible.

In fact, anyone who has e'er dated a narcissist will know how exhausting and dangerous it can be.

Sexologist and human relationship omnibus Ness Cooper says: 'Dating a narcissist can affect an individual in multiple ways and this can make them lose a sense of their own identity.

'Information technology can have a knock-on effect on their cocky-esteem and confidence – and because narcissists swing from gaslighting to love bombing, information technology tin make an private dubiety their internal globe and outlook on the world.'

Because of how narcissists behave at the beginning of relationships, it'south like shooting fish in a barrel to exist fooled by i.

A narcissist will frequently charm with romance and love on the first few dates, but shortly self assimilation, cocky-centered thinking and manipulation takes over.

'Y'all often wont realise that you are dating a narcissist unless you understand their behaviour pattern,' explains Karin Walker, co-author of Divorcing a Narcissist – the Lure, the Loss and the Law.

'You will think that you lot accept met your soulmate – they take the same interests and they put you on a pedestal, making you feel similar the nigh important person in the globe. Sadly, that is the "beloved-bombing" phase – quickly to be followed by the "de-value and discard" stage – which is an inevitability and part of their behaviour cycle.'

Narcissists are as well drawn to empathetic people – the very trait they lack – and they will take full advantage of these loving and caring qualities.

'In that location is an addictive quality to that time where yous're love bombed and valued – so many empathic people just desire to exist appreciated and loved,' says relationship psychotherapist Heather Garbutt.

There are so many reasons why dating a narcissist tin be then damaging – from the impact it has on conviction and cocky-esteem, to the style individuals tin lose a grip on reality from the manipulation and gaslighting.

If you've recently stopped dating a narcissist – or ended a relationship with i – and want to know how to first the healing process, experts accept shared some important things to keep in mind, to avoid long-lasting issues:

Don't blitz

Ness says the most important thing to do is to accept your fourth dimension and go at your own footstep, in terms of getting 'back to normal.'

She explains: 'Due to narcissists oftentimes changing individuals on multiple levels, in that location's a lot to work through and it can take time.

'It tin be tempting to try and skip by sure areas but it'due south frequently improve to work through them – particularly before making new and big life changes after the relationship has concluded.

'Sometimes getting extra help from a specialist tin be a proficient motility, as some areas can be more than challenging that others to work through. A trauma-informed therapist might be helpful in this example.'

Get through stages of grief (and all the feelings)

'Sympathise that while the human relationship was a toxic one, you lot may still have to work through stages of grief as you move on from the old relationship,' Ness adds.

She stresses that while it can exist tempting to endeavor and ignore these feelings, working through them is important for the healing process.

This is something backed up past Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, who says information technology'south crucial to acknowledge and have all your breakup feelings.

She says: 'Feel all the feels – as with any breakup, information technology's important to be gentle and kind to yourself. Permit yourself to experience all the feelings.'

Put yourself first over again

girl meditating at home

Focus on your needs (Flick: Getty Images)

'To heal from a relationship similar this you need to come dorsum to yourself, mind to your ain feelings and needs – practise all the things that gave yous pleasance before and which reinforced your identity,' explains Heather.

When a person is in a relationship with a narcissist, it's likely their needs volition never be put first.

Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, explains this in a picayune more particular.

She says: 'A person with strong narcissistic traits lacks empathy which is a primary component of whatever healthy relationship. Because of this, the relationship is likely to be very one-sided and focused around them getting their needs met with picayune regard for yours.

'In time, the relationship is likely to become extremely draining and scrap abroad at your self-esteem.'

Every bit a result, information technology'southward vital to prioritise what you desire, need and deserve again.

Notice yourself again

When y'all're dating or in a relationship it tin exist easy to lose yourself when you're thinking near someone else.

Simply this is even more the example when a narcissist is involved – as everything and anything is about them.

So role of the healing procedure will involve rediscovering your identity once again.

Dr Elena says: 'Reclaim the parts of yourself yous feel you may have "lost" in the relationship – people with narcissistic traits are oft critical and sometimes controlling likewise.

'Focus on reconnecting to yourself – your identity and your wants and needs.'

This might involve rediscovering old forms of cocky-care and things that previously fabricated you experience positive about yourself.

Set new boundaries and rules

Learning to ready new boundaries and rules is crucial to working through the impairment of dating a narcissist.

Ness says: 'Finding ways to brand you feel safe in yourself can be very important and help you lot move onto healthier things.

'It may take a bit of trial and fault as you learn what boundaries you need, but it'll be a positive step forward to healing.'

Lean on those effectually you

A narcissist may have cutting y'all off from loved ones or sabotaged your relationships with family and friends. So information technology'southward a proficient idea to rebuild this network post-breakup and plough to these people for back up.

'These people are the ones who will help you when you lot demand moments of distraction and assist to work through other potential challenges you may face,' adds Ness.

Seek professional help

Dating or existence in a relationship with a narcissist can lead to issues such as PTSD, depression or anxiety – so speaking to a professional may assist you come up to terms with their behaviour and feel ameliorate about yourself.

Dr. Supriya McKenna, a GP and a egotistic abuse recovery expert, says: 'If you've dated a narcissist yous will have been subjected to "narcissistic corruption" but you may well non have realised this, considering this type of abuse is incredibly subtle – certainly to begin with. It'south always covert psychological corruption – but there may be too a concrete component.

'You will have been fabricated to believe that yous are not plenty, not in any way, by the narcissist'southward devaulations, criticisms and put-downs, and you will have found yourself trying harder and harder to please them by jumping through hoops.

'You lot'll have tried to beloved them more, give them more and exist more – but not one person volition ever be enough for a narcissist. This inevitably leads to self-arraign and low self-esteem in victims – and people written report feeling like a "shell" of their former selves.'

Dr Elena also stresses that if dating narcissists is a pattern for you, therapy can be a proficient fashion to get to the lesser of why this is the case.

How to spot egotistic traits:

Someone with egotistic personality disorder may:

  • have a strong sense of your own cocky-importance.
  • dream of unlimited success, power and intellectual brilliance.
  • crave attention from other people, only show few warm feelings in return.
  • take advantage of other people.
  • ask for favours that you practise not then return.

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